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Found this while cruising around the ‘sphere and think it clearly deserves the Most Trenchant Sarcasm of the Week award.  I’ve been sending it around to friends and fellow bloggers and you might want to also.  A kind of dark classic, if you ask me.

 

An open letter to the youth of America regarding the 2008 Presidential election:

To the youth of America,
 

     Thank you for turning out to vote in your first Presidential Election. I am sure that many of you have never followed or been interested in politics before and chose this occasion to be your first experience. You probably voted against your parents thinking that your youth made you more aware of the new global environment than their years of experience in life.

 

     Thank you for protecting the illegal combatants who are detained in Guantanamo Bay. Ensuring their Constitutional Rights IS more important than your right to live. Even though they waged a war against innocent unsuspecting civilians in the United States, they themselves have been mistreated. The inhumane torture that they were subjected to of being gently suspended on a blanket while having small amounts of water poured on their heads is far worse than crashing planes in to buildings in urban highly populated areas.

 

     Thank you for giving Congress a Democratic Majority. Now they are free to pass legislation increasing the National Deficit by far more than it has ever been after they campaigned on a balanced budget and reducing the deficit. Nancy Pelosi is now free from any charges of purgery from only being informed about CIA interrogation practices rather than being briefed on them. Now we can move forward with prosecuting the former administration for keeping the Country safe from Man Caused Destruction by means of the Over-seas Contingency Operation. It is more important that Bush lied about the foreign intelligence that we received to get us involved for a war for oil than the Democrats telling any partial untruths about Our military harassing and murdering innocent civilians.

 

     Thank you for helping keep our borders open. For too long illegal immigrants have tried to dangerously cross our boarders and exist in our country without following the legal path to citizenship. Now all of those people can live without fear of being sent back to their country of origin and receive government assistance in the form of healthcare, childhood education, and food stamps to which they do not contribute.

 

     Thank you for helping to reduce Carbon Dioxide levels. We should not be responsible for providing a resource to plants for their existence. The earth has never regulated itself in the past from occurrences like volcanic explosions until government came along to test the air quality. Maybe now we can find a way to tax the production of oxygen from the carbon offset farms.

 

     Thank you for expanding healthcare. Now non-citizens have expanded healthcare coverage available to them at no cost. I suppose in this ever shrinking job market you all have already found steady employment to pay for the services that they are receiving. Businesses like hospitals should not be in the practice of making enough money to cover both their operating expenses and payroll when we have big government to decide who will receive healthcare, when, and to what extent.

 

     Maybe now that all of the world’s problems have been resolved we can focus on education. It is clear that in this country that we need reform. We not only need to be more competitive in the areas of math and science with the rest of the world, but it is now clear that we need reform in American History class as well.

 

     It is apparent with sites such as http://www.moveon.org, http://www.codepink4peace.org, and http://www.communalprosperity.net that radical liberalism has moved mainstream. Politicians such as Janet Napolitano have redefined radicals as people who believe in the Constitution and religion. No longer are people in the radical movement confined to the outskirts of society like they were in the 1960s. We now can be wary of our veterans and people who want limited Federal Government intervention.

 

Thank you for believing in Change,

 

Jason Sanborn
From the soon to be former State of Texas
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7 Comments

  1. Don’t we all wish WE’d said that?
    And don’t we all wish nothing like this would have had to have occurred to us?

    Man, did HE nail it. Thanks, Zack.
    what a disgusting turn our great country’s taking as this new ‘president’ slams the past administration this morning. Then we hear Cheney and realize we miss having adults in charge.
    Poor America. I grieve.

    • Norman Hines
    • Posted May 21, 2009 at 10:46 am
    • Permalink

    I wonder how difficult it will be to immigrate legally into the new Republic of Texas?

  2. Z: I’m a pretty sarcastic character myself now and then but I couldn’t top this. These are wrenching times politically, and warrant a wrenching response.

    Norman: Yeah, really. I hear their housing prices are low, too. For now.

  3. Zack, regarding your comment on my blog and speaking of Silver Age comics…

    http://www.teamfortress.com/sniper_vs_spy/day07_english.htm

  4. Thanks Scott– an amazing all-out send-up of that most classic of all classic Silver Age comic ads, the immortal Charles Atlas course. “We’ll send you a trophy.” Quite a product they’re putting out there! Does it work against Democrats?

    (Thanks again, this was a super treat. And extremely well done.)

  5. Honestly Zack, wouldn’t a urine-grenade attract libs? Seeing as the pungent odour it releases would be reminiscent of a a typical unwashed moonbat rally…

    • Ian D. Samson
    • Posted January 6, 2010 at 8:19 am
    • Permalink

    I really need to tell an old sour-puss to “go to hell” in such a sarcastic and cutting way that he will enjoy the trip. Every word I write, every thought, every concept, every discussion is cut down by this man (in his 70s) who thinks he knows everything about everything, and unfortunately I do not have a sufficiently acute command of the English Language to enable me to do this succinctly and with venom. Can anyone help?


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