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  1. How about getting perrierboarded by Naomi Wolves?

  2. Dave, better that than to have to engage her in lengthy dialog.


    *vomits eco-friendly free-range efflugent*

    • Norman Hines
    • Posted May 12, 2009 at 1:42 pm
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    In Parumph, Nevada, (outside Clark County), waterboarding costs $250 extra. Ask for Mistress Hillary.

  4. Dave: I might even prefer an encounter with an actual wolf than with Naomi Wolf. I can see you’re equally entranced.

    Norman: I think I’d be in over my head at an establishment like that. Besides, watch it: I don’t allow commentators to promote their own businesses.

    Plus, time for your Hillary to change her name? Might widen her customer base.

  5. Oh I dunno…Hillary’s base is plenny wide…keeps her kneecaps steady.

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 13, 2009 at 9:49 am
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    Speaking of kneecaps, where ARE Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly anyhow? Typical felons…never around when you really need them.

  6. oh, DELICIOUS…SUPER caption!

    Z…I met a guy last night, Conservative, who works in ANIMATION here in LA. I’m sending him your blog site. (assume the praying position) I don’t know how BIG he is, or anything, but it cain’t hoyt, right?

  7. God is that true, Donna, and I don’t mean just for the purpose of putting Devon and Allison out of commission for a while, either. I’d give anything for the occasional hooligan (or gilooligan) to pay a visit to Pelosi this week.

    [Notice to Humor-free PC Squads: this is a “joke.”]

  8. Z– Thank you very much! So energized (and touched) by your gesture I can’t even think of a joke. I’m already on my knees as I type this.

    Any suggestions for who should do the voices for my characters? I see Olbermann as the quintessential Alex voiceover, but somehow doubt he’d be interested in helping to breathe life into my work.


    • Donna C
    • Posted May 13, 2009 at 10:13 am
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    Olbermann is a good possibility, but IME, I have known many libs…all of whom have extremely foul mouths. My pick? None other than Rahmbo himself.

    Course, it may be YOUR kneecaps getting busted (or worse) if you were to make such a request.

    Hiding my kneecaps as we speak, for the mere suggestion.

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 13, 2009 at 10:16 am
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    For the voice of Devon, I absolutely hear Rosie O’iamsowashedup.

    • Ikabod
    • Posted May 13, 2009 at 12:43 pm
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    By using a liberal construct of defining torture, Diversity is indeed experiencing torture. She is “uncomfortable” with the liberal argument being played out in front of her. Now at this point, I want to know who authorized the torture. Does she have access to legal representation. Unless of course Alex provides Pro-bono legal support, but being an ACLU lawyer this would be a conflict of interest. However, her friend is a “child of color” which trumps all legalistic constraints. Perhaps Diversity’s only hope is nothing less than a seal team descending onto the stairway and extracting her to the nearest conservative safe house.

    • Norman Hines
    • Posted May 13, 2009 at 1:25 pm
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    As a fan of old film noir, I have a question. Is the old pre-Miranda interrogation method called “the third degree” torture?

    Consider the suspect sitting on a low stool with a bare bulb below a cone shade just inches above his head. Surrounding him are cops and detectives, whose faces are hid from him in the darkness above the light. They ask him accusatory questions in rapid fire, interrupting his answers with more questions. The suspect reveils that he’s a career criminal when he says, “I knows my rights; I ain’t gotta tell youse flatfeet nuthin.”

    Unlike modern Miranda days, even though the suspect knows and exercises his right to remain silent, the police back then could keep on asking him questions all night long, in shifts (it was also called “grilling the suspect). If they don’t have any evidence, they’ll have to cut him loose after 24 hours, but who knows; he might break.

    That’s NOT torture.

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 13, 2009 at 1:34 pm
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    BRAVO Ikabod!!! Spectacular summarization…I can only speculate as to what Zack’s gift to you will be! My suggestion would be 5 week old, funkified toe-jam from the Mamabama. I’m magnanimous that way.

  10. Dave: I’m still laughing, and you wrote that like 9 hours ago.

    Donna: You wanna be the one to pitch this to Rosie? I’d rather go up againt the Taliban. “Rahmbo,” that’s a good one. I’d like to save his vocal stylings though for when the family meets some really abysmally slimey subhuman. Like… er… like Rahm Emanuel.

  11. Ikabod– Donna’s right, that was hilarious… I may just have to follow up on some of those tips. One all-important question: how many different ethnicities are required to make up a Politically Correct Seal team?

    Norman: Of course it’s not torture. The Left makes a habit of dumbing down the meaning and substance of words (e.g., rape; fascist; etc.)– it’s like a hobby, something to do when you’re not weeping over an imaginary Manmade Global Warming or sending donations to the ACLU. I’m a Noir buff myself, by the way, with a poster of Elisha Cook, Jr. in my hallway.

    Donna, it is YOU I’d like to award: with the position of Official Gift Giver For Diversity Lane. You’re okay with procuring that most recent gift suggestion, I trust?

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 14, 2009 at 10:05 am
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    Small problem with that Zack…due to time constraints (trying to sell our house), I can only be the spokes-model on behalf of Diversity Lane. As for the title of procurer, I strongly suggest we allow KAM that position. I suspect it would bring immense, leg-tingling joy to him…especially if it allows him close proximity to the Obamessiahs. And you all thought I was joking when I said I was magnanimous…I’m ALWAYS thinking of others. =oD

  12. Great cartoon! ummm which is worse??? – Listening to CNN or MSNBS is torture enough for me…

  13. Donna: I’m down with KAM as toejam procurer, only …er… where is he? Seems your pro-capitalist eloquence has knocked him right out of the blogosphere. Pity, since as you say the assignment would seem to be right up his alley, servicing The One as he puts His best foot forward.

    red voice: Thanks for coming by. Your moniker chilled me out at first, “red” having two very different meanings nowadays. Glad to know yours is the Good way.

  14. Here I am again, fascinated as always and totally fulfilled with detailed pleasure. Again Zack, the 3D affect is superb, it feels like I am sitting right there on the steps but out of sight, like a ghost, monitoring the ridiculousness of the situation. The wording, like always, is perfect. Great job!

  15. Jose, you never miss a trick and it sure is great to get your input. Your comments on my little captions is especially appreciated since your own writing, of considerably greater breadth, is top notch journalism, some of the best stuff around. Thanks again!

    • ikabod
    • Posted May 17, 2009 at 1:03 am
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    Ah-Ha! Zack you fell for my liberal angst trap! What ethnicity indeed! You see there can’t be a seal team making a violent house call! No no no! We must first use this “opportunity” to form a world wide coalition of sorts! UN involvement is a necessity! Then a select PNVCRT (Peaceful Non-Violent Conflict Resolution Team) must make first contact and provide calm and soothing reassurances of our understanding of there motives behind their grievances with the US. Being that this is an internal matter ie: within the continental United States, The UN is mandated to bring in an European ONLY negotiation team.

  16. Ikabod: I’m looking for olive branches to strew about my house as we speak.

    • ikabod
    • Posted May 18, 2009 at 8:45 am
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    And don’t forget understanding. works everytime.

  17. It could be worse.

    They could be discussing Atlas Shrugged.

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 19, 2009 at 7:36 am
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    You are right on target KAM…with your predictability: a liberal tossing out commentary intended to insult, that at best leaves everyone else “shrugging” and shaking their heads at the “wit” you evidently think you have. Could you at least attempt to offer up something that does more than provide yawns in response?

  18. And anyway Kool-Aid and Donna, contrary to Kool-Aid’s riposte Atlas Shrugged really IS well worth discussing and debating (and by normal people not just elites), being a philosophical book of compelling popular appeal– unlike the ultra exclusive, pretentious and often incomprehensible Left-tomes that these characters banter over late into the night.

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 19, 2009 at 7:48 am
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    I absolutely concur, Zack. The reason liberals dislike Atlas Shrugged so much, is because…simply…it’s beyond their comprehension and ability. I would wager that while KAM feels the needs to try and insult with that reference, he’s never even read the book, much less thumbed through a copy. Such a shame.

  19. You’re right, I need to get through Atlas Shrugged, and I do feel a need to read it one day, if only to get a feel for the other position, to become more worldly and understand both sides of the situation.

    Maybe I’ll pick it up next time I’m at the public tax funded welfare library.

  20. And I’ll get their through public transportation!

    Your tax dollars will go towards my studies of objectivism, won’t this create some sort of libertarian rift?

  21. Up yours, chomskybot.

  22. Kool-Aid: I LIKE the fact that you’re considering reading. Even if it means taking snipes at conservatives en route as you wend your way to the library. Thogh I’m not sure Atlas would be my top choice for you. Try “The Vision of the Annointed” by Thomas Sowell for a solid and unimpeachable analysis for all that is warped and dangerous about what is now called liberalism.

    Dave: Cut him some slack, I sense he’s weakening.

    Donna: do they not comprehend Atlas– or is it that they understand all too well that it is a call to Individual Excellence and therefore a great threat to their lust for the Communal?

    • Donna C
    • Posted May 20, 2009 at 8:40 am
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    Zack…oh, they understand Atlas alright…they refuse to comprehend that there are actually people whom would WANT to strive for, and succeed at, individual excellence. The idea is foreign to them.

    IME, I have learned that libs see themselves as demigods, and the masses should want to rely upon the “good” they provide. Conservatives call it what it is: welfare, affirmative action, etc.

    And how dare someone not be grateful to them for that which they “give”.

  23. Legal opinions
    multiple plots were foiled
    truth commission time?

  24. Good point, Donna, RE: the liberal need for a kind of obeisance/worship, hence their urge to dole out the earnings of others to their patronized pets (“the poor,” “the minorities,” etc.) whom they regard as potential worshippers. Maybe some day these groups will recognize the depths of condescension which liberals actually hold for them.

    Vegas: I’d give anything for a truth commission, with Pelosi grilled from morning till night, up to and including waterboarding.

    • asdfsadf
    • Posted August 11, 2009 at 3:24 am
    • Permalink


    You ever get waterboarded? Honestly, it’s not hard to reproduce. I’m your typical dumb American teenager, and I can tell you from experience that even reproduced in your buddy’s bathtub, waterboarding is terrible.

    Just try it and then imagine it times ten in a hostile environment.

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